Needed: Model

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Needed: Sabrina

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Needed: Model. Specifically, we are looking for models for the ‘one month in’ section of a before-and-after meth addiction poster. Mountain-top rave girls, this is your chance! Please do your own makeup, preferably while driving to our office, with crayons.

Written by thomwoodley

November 30, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Posted in Gals, Uncategorized

Needed: Melinda

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Needed: Model. We are just dying to find the wide-faced girl of our dreams. If the top of your shirt doesn’t close, if your shoulders bend back unnaturally, if your pants are somehow held on by a chain, then YES, YES, YES! Call us ASAP.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Edith

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Needed: Model. You’ve seen the Sexy Librarian look. And you’ve thoroughly rejected it, in favor of the Not Remotely Sexy Junior High School Librarian Who Is Too Young To Be Wearing Grandma Pants But Is Definitely Wearing Grandma Pants look. Make sure to bring both your lavender-puce top and your lavender-puce cardigan, because you never know, Grams.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 18, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Haylee

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Needed: Model. You little bitch. No, you cannot go to the mall. I don’t care how long you give me that look for, because I can go longer. I was whining about going to the mall before you were even born, you whelp. PS bring your own Michael Jackson ‘Bad’ jacket.

Written by thomwoodley

November 12, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Posted in Gals, Uncategorized

Needed: Buckley

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Needed: Model. We are looking for just the cutest, tiniest little Republican out there. You should be sassy, adorable, and a firm believer in laissez-faire capitalism and the destructive properties of the welfare nanny state. Bring your velour cape-shirt and let’s have our own little Tea Party.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 11, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Stanley

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Needed: Model. Looking for a male model. Your bod says 25, your face and haircut say 45, and your club attire says, no really, guys, I’m 29, – okay, 35, but a young 35, and no, you can’t look at my driver’s license.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 8, 2010 at 10:36 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Ludy

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Needed: Model. Unappealing woman needed to model the most unflattering clothes we could find in the dumpster of a Lithuanian Wal-Mart. Be ready to portray lady-in-red-who-didn’t-actually-get-invited-to-the-party, tennis-player-with-back-problems, and franken-banker.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 5, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Kayden

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Needed: Model. We are looking for a little slice of hell on earth. Are you demonspawn? Do you, with one gaze of your eyes and crack of your blood-flecked maw, fill our hearts with dread, our minds with unspeakable horrors, and our pants with excrement? If so, please bring a vest.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 5, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Victoria

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Needed: Model. Extremely attractive, fit, dark-haired girl needed to sneak out farts surreptitiously on camera. Your playful smile tells us you know exactly what you’re doing. Dare us to smell you!

Written by thomwoodley

November 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Needed: Muriel

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Needed: Model. Do you have that lips-won’t-close-over-my-giant-teeth look? We want you. Sharkfaced model needed immediately for posing inside of random dim VFWs.

 

Written by thomwoodley

November 2, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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